Please refer to Preface and Introduction before reading from The Beginning

Below is a conclusion in relation to the topic of this blog. It’s important that you read from the beginning or somewhere that make sense to you.

The End And Beginning

I’ve come a long way. Or should I say we both have come a long way. The end for Erik was simply the beginning for me. He had always been with me as I had him.

Before our incarnation we were met by other spiritual counselors. To humble myself I needed to know what it was like to be different from the rest. Erik wasn’t “supposed” to be incarnated. That part is hard to explain. He chose to follow me as I didn’t want to be incarnated without him after given orders he’s stay to be one of my spirit guides. In addition I was supposed to have intuitive gifts to help and assist people on earth.

I fought long and hard against going back. It’s funny because earlier in life before meeting my spirit self I swore I couldn’t have the patience to be a spirit guide. Early in life after every break up I swore I’d become a nun. Only I didn’t know in a past life Erik had dumped me at the steps of a Convent with no promise to return. I really loved the story of The Little Mermaid but I didn’t find the connection between her and what I called the birth of my spirit self and why water was always present in my dreams especially involving Erik being some kind of life guard. It was shortly after, I found out who I really was. The core of my being as we all have.

I didn’t know until meeting him that the feelings I couldn’t explain and hated my whole life, were coming from him and vice versa. I didn’t know the men I allowed in my life had some resemblance of him either. I didn’t know why I was racing the clock to find Erik or why I had to. Everything was answered over the process of a year and a half.

As my intuitive skills grew so did our bond. We visited and healed every lifetime we had together. We started as friends and then quickly it was like being in another one of my many long-distance relationships. I had them because I knew who I was looking for was far away. But sadly and tragically like all the others, they never ever ended well. In a way he was comforting me and I knew. He was with me always crying over a man I wasted my time with.

The year he died I was diagnosed with a mood disorder. It wasn’t found out until later I’d be on the Autism Spectrum. I suffered through bullying, teasing, rejection, misunderstandings and feeling abandoned. It made me want to seclude myself and I felt comfort in my solitude when I got it. Erik was present through it all and by intuition I felt it. Sometimes I was left happy on my way to work or doing my thing with the random urge to visit a cemetery but didn’t. But most of the time I didn’t bother finding out who or what was following me either.

I’ve already explained how we officially met. So I won’t bore you with repeating the details. What happened between us is like something straight out of a science fiction novel or movie: A man dies and follows his long lost love. She has a spiritual gift and suddenly meets him at a point in life she was ready to give up to find they were meant to be together the whole time but he’s dead. This is the start of their relationship, growth, challenges, adventures, good times and bad times.

I never would have guessed that in a PMS induced depression episode, looking for proof of the afterlife I’d find his mom’s YouTube channel all about him. He told me that it was the book that he wanted me to read. Before knowing he is my Twin Flame, I did read it but in the fog of my depression I didn’t associate him with the mysterious guy in my dreams.

One night we were met with our spiritual counselors. My spirit self included. I’ve learned a lot in almost two and a half years; I was in a long term relationship gone bad, I had inner-conflict stemming from childhood, I was holding on to pain and loss. I left that relationship, and landed in a homeless shelter. With Erik’s help we picked and prodded away at each problem I had plaguing my happiness.

“It’s time I tell you this,” He’s said and my heart sunk because we’ve come so far and my biggest fear was that he was leaving while I still need him. He had this seriousness about him of which he hardly shows.

So I gathered myself up and wiped my tears away, “What is it?

“I’m so proud of you Monique. We have truly come a long way.”

“Is it really you or are you playing with me?”, I can see him now with this rugged kind of Jensen Ackles look to him. I punched him in the arm. Punching, bonking him on the head, throwing apples at him were all ways I told him I love him. I’m not good with words.

A year ago I had asked about ascension and merging he mentioned being able to hear and see him at the end of the list. I was hoping this wasn’t the end of our relationship. Having a spirit break up with you? I don’t know about that.

“Yes it’s me. Don’t hit me!” He laughed and ducked like some Mortal Kombat hero.

“I’m your Twin Flame. I’ll never leave you. I promise I will marry you in our next life. I promise to stay by you. Our love is forever.” He kissed my lips something that still  felt like goodbye.

My eyes watered and I begged, “Please don’t leave me Erik I still need you. At least for now!” I’m still living at a homeless shelter since leaving another ex with substance abuse. I still have episodes and no one to trust in such a chaotic environment. It’s easy to fall into the wrong kind of people. Especially someone like me who despite loving my solitude, I’m still a people pleaser and a people person, “Yes I know a time will come I have to limit the times we spend together.”

Erik caressed my cheek holding back tears because he swears he’s not a wimp but I know all too well he has a soft side, “I’m happy you said that. That’s what I needed to hear. You need to find your own happiness.” Which until now I knew nothing about but only had a taste of. Tears were running down my face. I couldn’t tell if he was telling goodbye or what. He must have felt my confusion like he’s long since have.

“We’ve cleared and healed our relationships, you and I have a bond that can never be broken. You’ve accepted your role on this earth and you have come to terms of my death. It’s okay to mourn but do what is right. I’ve watched over you for some time. It’s a long time coming. I’m always here for you.”

I clung on to him my face buried in his chest and he held me. As he stroked my short curly purple hair, in between gasps of tears,“Does this mean we can’t be together? I don’t want someone like you. I don’t need someone like you. I just want to move on but I can’t especially now conceive the notion doing this without loving you!”

“Exactly. I’m so happy and proud of you.”

“I want to be with someone who is alive.” Something I internally fought over. In the beginning I decided to live a life as a hermit. But in all honesty with my conditions, it would prove to be nearly impossible no matter how much I want independence. I can’t shut the world out. Living alone would do more harm than good. “I want to and deserve to finally be with someone who deserves me.” Before meeting Erik I spent most of my life not understanding why that since I was eleven I felt time was running out. I landed in the hands of bad men; a few who have driven me to attempt suicide.

“Soon,” He said holding me so tight as if we were in negative 100 degrees below, “Until then, I’m here. It doesn’t mean we can’t love each other. Our love never dies. I’ll always be here and we can always talk. It doesn’t mean we aren’t Twin Flames anymore.”

Erik tested me the night before just to get me to tell him how I feel. I don’t do words well. I’m likely to show it than say it.“I never thought I could love someone this much. I knew it was you with me all those times I felt suicidal. I didn’t know what to call you. I was too afraid to find out.”

“Im happy I’m dead, Monique”

It kind of threw me off but I understand. If it weren’t for his death we wouldn’t have spiritually evolved like we had in such a short time! If it wasn’t for his death I would have died too. We weren’t supposed to incarnate together. In a way we both suffered. Mine was in  looking for him instead of living by focusing on my own life. I made my life all about him and my education and relationships suffered because of it. Since he followed me here, he had to suffer in his own way.

I shouldn’t say we “suffered”. We had challenges we chose before we incarnated. Our higher selves were definitely high probably on some good spirit weed, “I’m happy too.” I looked deep in to his eyes. I felt the kind of peace we both always wanted but seemed to never get. Since his death I feel this time HE was racing the clock like I was! The clock I felt silenced the year he died. Only he caught me in time… Twice!

This is just the end of our healing processes. He’s free, we are both free in many many ways than one. He pushed my buttons, he knew how to make me laugh , we love playing our guitars and listening to music. Funny shortly after he died, I got my first peavy and he knew what bullshit I was trying to pull or avoid. All in time it was healed away. Like pulling off a bandaid or I guess onions because of how much we both cried over the years.

At first, the hard part was acknowledging him as my Twin Flame. What was also hard was acknowledging that we have “finished”. He’s not constantly in my head as much. This was what I wanted. But it feels weird. It feels like I’m missing a part of me. No, I’ve finally learned how to change frequency and like on the radio, I can tune in at any time. Like on the phone, all I have to do is put my headphones on and make it look like I’m talking to someone. Just so I don’t look completely insane.

So this certainly doesn’t make the end of our relationship or our trivial bullshit. But simply a new beginning. A new step ahead in to another life. This “life” ended. Starting with leaving behind my old life and pain associated with it. I’m living in a shelter with the promise of a brand new me. All spiffy with sparkly stuff and stuff.

If you have followed this blog, I hope you have started from the beginning. If you haven’t, take some time to really get to know us and the lessons we’ve learned. Maybe it will inspire you. Maybe it will help you in some way.

What you should take away from this is knowing the body may die, it’s just a vehicle, the soul or spirit that is the driving force is just navigating through life. Our love transcends through it all. Our spirits know who we really are. Tap in to it. It’s never too late.