“Us Against The World” 🙄 (ugh…)
As much as I fucking hate that saying…it’s pretty much what sums up our relationship in our past lives. Thinking on it, it’s corny (I don’t do corny) but it was what it was. In the end we lost each time. I try not to think about it. The details don’t even matter. It’s in the past. The whole saying never appealed to me. I don’t like fighting. I don’t like constant challenges. It reminds me of the time I spent homeless with Matt (RIP). It was kind of like that but it was so annoying and frustrating! I hated all of it because it was also a confusing relationship. Toxic really. Idk about you but I like drama free relationships that don’t involve other people. Like Rick and I have drama but it’s contained to just involving both of us. We don’t want people involved in our shit. I like it that way. It might come from my past lives. Who knows? Who cares?
Anyway I was just thinking on this as I was getting ready for bed. Would it be us against the world if Erik had not died? I hope not and I guess it doesn’t matter because he’s dead. I don’t feel like it’s like that right now. Again, because he’s dead. I mean what is there against us? There really isn’t anything. It’s not like we have to hide.
I’ve been thinking about what to tell my therapist.
I’ve not said anything about Erik since telling our story from start to finish. Now I think it’s time to really dig into the emotional toll this journey has on me and my grief. As great as great things can be I don’t believe anything doesn’t have it’s cons. I mean I’d be a little worried if someone was positive all the fucking time. Life happens. Shit happens right? Talking about how this journey is positive is great but I need to talk about the grief.
It would be a lie to say this journey has been everything but challenging. Grief is a big part in it and I have a hard time coping with it. Because this journey is bizarre I can’t talk about it openly to just anyone. I do have one friend IRL I have told all of this about. He’s one of my best friends and very supportive and gives me a shoulder to cry on. He knows EVERYTHING. He doesn’t judge me, try to be an expert, or make me feel crazy. I love that about him.
Anyway before my meds kick in (the little I’m on now anyway) I better end it…