Miscarriage of “Justice”

Watched DreamKiller and the Michael Peterson stories about wrongfully convictions.

It’s scary how much police can get away with. I’m not going to spoil it but this week I’ve been binging on documentaries like this. Lol I think now we’re gonna watch stuff about released UFO documents. Don’t remember what it’s called. I’m kind of emotionally burnt out from watching so much. Especially about Michael Peterson. That one was rough.

I mean these are white people and one a wealthy writer. It’s not something I know much of. It just kind of opens my eyes it doesn’t matter who you are. Just one mistake can put you away as someone who is innocent.

Today I finished the Celebration of Odin’s Life presentation.

It was hard looking at his pictures and as I was scrolling I came across a pic of Erik someone anonymously sent to me at the beginning of this journey. I couldn’t look and then of course for some reason I had 3. 🙄 copies of another picture? Probably from switching phones and how my stuff is sent to the cloud. I had to hurry past them. It’s bad enough trying to not cry while doing it.

I cried anyway. I like to be left alone when I’m crying. Normally I would have held it in and just cry myself to sleep but I needed to finish this tonight and complete my speech tomorrow. Doing both in one night wasn’t going to happen. So every few minutes I’m just trying to see through my tears all while Rick is at his desk next to me watching anime. I could hear Erik wanting to tell him to stop what he’s doing and comfort me.

Rick was only doing what I asked and I didn’t want to be distracted so it didn’t bother me that he was minding his business. So I powered through, watched the presentation and bawled. This is the hardest loss next to Erik and Matt I’ve had to go through but having to complete this thing…it sucks.

Tomorrow I just have to record my speech.

I’m not actually going to be speaking live on the video chat with friends and family. This is so that I don’t break the fuck down right there trying to talk. Ugh so I’ve got to write a script and try to read without choking up. It’s probably going to take all day and we will go out to sing tomorrow so that will be nice.

Erik reminds me I’m not alone and I don’t have to suffer alone. I just don’t like to openly talk about the hardest things in my life. I hate feeling and being so vulnerable afraid I’m going to be judged because that’s what happened to me growing up. I’m not as vocal and just rather deal with most things privately. Sure I might slip up because I’ve had too much to drink and it happens and I have friends now that really care and want to make sure I’m alright. Writng in a blog is easier than talking openly. Often I’m alone so if I happen to be crying no one will know unless I write it. Finally, writing is easier than having to articulate when some times it’s not so easy.

Erik wants to watch the disclosure episodes now.

Something a little less depressing I guess and then it’s off to bed. Oh shit I just realized I’ve not showered in almost a week. Eeek I’m definitely going to tomorrow lol!

😘💕 Good night y’all!

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