🤔 Hmmm…Never really given her much thought recently until now. I’ve sent a couple emails to her (she responded) and spoke with her on one of the podcasts. I believe the 7/20/2017 episode. It was kind of weird because the “intuitive” with her didn’t say a damn word to me or answer my question about my ex bf’s cat. Eriks mom talked to me about it and she turned out to be wrong about the reason he wasn’t using the litter box 😂. Completely wrong. Fiber? No lol he had kidney stones. Not sure why the intuitive fell completely silent but I have one theory.
I’m a little torn between being greatful and being judgemental about her. 1) I don’t think it’s cool to capitalize on his suicide but then 2) If she didn’t have her YouTube account I probably wouldn’t have met him. It was someone from the Facebook group that urged me to talk to him which long story short started this journey.
It was around the time I started this blog maybe 3 months after I met Erik and he told me I was his twin soul; I was a mix of a scared, excited and curious because I didn’t know much about twin souls and for years has no interest. Of course I did my due diligence while talking to him in the beginning and practiced protection rituals…Still do!
I wrote a letter to Erik’s Guardian Angels in 2007.
Coincidentally on his birthday Sept 21st. You can find the handwritten letter on the blog through the tags or on my table of contents. I asked that they would help him find me in any way necessary. Now me being intuitive I have been plagued with the anxiety of finding someone I didn’t know but knew what he’d look like (roughly) and that he didn’t live in the same state.
Frustrated in 2009 I asked a well-known psychic on a podcast show about him. He told me in so many words he would die. I didn’t know when but my gut feelings was saying soon. Afterwards I was stunned and cried for hours begging it not be true. Then winter 2009 I just knew he was gone. My health spiralled out of control in grief I didn’t understand. I started to feel him, a rose flew off my windowsill next to my bed and landed at my door, I got the sense when I was scared I was cuddling with someone taller than me, and he started to appear in my dreams. I always knew him by his curly blondbrown hair. I met with him often around bodies of water.
Around 2010 or 11 I became interested in channelings.
Bashar mostly. So I tried to get into spiritual stuff because of the paranormal things happening to me. To fend off my troublesome intuition I drank a lot and partied a lot. I didn’t want to admit to myself that the psychic was right and this guy I was starting to fall in love with was him.
In the same year I almost bought a motorized bike (I chickend out) and instead bought my first guitar. It wasn’t until 2015 that I got my bass and began playing that as my main instrument. I just never felt like I was alone when I played. Learned about 10 songs in one month. I really got into it. Since then I’ve got 3 basses including a 5 string one.
I let Erik go in 2012
Left the spiritual stuff behind too. Figured there wasn’t a point to any of it if he was dead. I wanted to move on with my life and just forget him. It was easy because I had a new job and a new boyfriend. For a few years I thought I was on my way to living a normal life. My intuition wasn’t bothering me because I was unmedicated.
Before you get your panties in a twist, for me, in order to concentrate and accept the feelings I get intuitively, I need a clear head. Without my meds I’m in a fog, more anxiety, Tourrets acts up more, and concentration is just impossible. Ive been on several combinations at very varying doses. If the medication is right, I’m able to tune in. Funny, I didn’t need meds until Erik died. When I was without meds due to lack of insurance, I could not communicate or feel a thing. So when I let Erik go, I also stopped taking my meds. The dreams still happened though.
Reflecting on the above I have mixed feelings.
I’m going to be a little self-righteous by saying I couldn’t even dream of cashing in on my experiences. It’s not cool to me. I wouldn’t be able to sleep at night knowing I was exploiting a dead person like that. All I’m doing here is sharing my story or my side of his story wether people like it or not. I don’t give a flying fuck-shit about how people feel about my blog. At least I’m not making money off it.
All I want to do is help people and I have. These people have become my friends and support system. I’m helping the planet by publishing my posts for the whole world to see. It’s actually kind of terrifying! I’m a private person and hardly use social media. My anxiety was at it’s worst when I began this blog. It’s gotten better but it doesn’t mean I don’t panic when I write something new. I guess that’s why writing the book is so difficult.
Again, at the same time…without her, I probably wouldn’t have found him.