Maybe in another life

I could find you there

Pulled away before your time

I can’t deal it’s so unfair

And it feels

And it feels like

Heaven’s so far away

And it feels

Yeah it feels like

The world has grown cold

Now that you’ve gone away

Leaving flowers on your grave

Show that I still care

But black roses and Hail Mary’s

Can’t bring back what’s taken from me

I reach to the sky

And call out your name

And if I could trade

I would

And it feels

And it feels like

Heaven’s so far away

And it stings

Yeah it stings now

The world is so cold

Now that you’ve gone away

– Offspring, Gone Away

Awesome fucking song. So appropriate. 😀🤘

Song came on and I immediately cried. I can’t believe my big boy Odin is gone…I can’t believe it. Everything about being with him until he died stays with me. Sat with him and petted him begging him to hang on. I meant to check on him again but fell asleep in bed. Heard him crawl under to my side of the bed but was too tired to see and found him cold about 4 hours later.

Odin wanted to be with us. Me. He couldn’t get in the bed or the couch but I saw him in the tub hours before and he seemed fine so I let him know that I love him blinking to him blinking back at me. I stood there for a minute hoping it was passed whatever that was bothering him.

Since he couldn’t get in bed with us he chose under it directly under me. It breaks my heart. His eyes never closed which must mean he was scared. I feel like I let him down. I miss him so much it’s just surreal. Odin was so much to me. The best cat I ever had. He was hilarious, supportive (he somehow knew when I needed him) annoying, sassy, bossy and all of those things made him so special to me. He’s the only cat I truly connected with on a deep level. No cat will replace him.

I’m so fucking hurt about this and I want to try to do projects or keep myself busy but sometimes it’s little things that just make me burst out in tears. We cremated him today Rick and I. We both cried at the building saying goodbye and petting him one last time. His fur was still soft and his eyes were clouded. His body laid stomach down with all paws sprawled outward. Because he’s not yet vacated his bowels in the 24 hours we kept him in a makeshift casket, we think he had died from a blockage. Something we wouldn’t have been able to fix even if caught it early or went to a vet at all.

I’ve lost friends in the last 2 years. One I was very very close to and now my big baby is gone. I feel so lost, tired, angry, frustrated and I keep feeling I can get through this and then I can’t anymore. This is the biggest loss I’ve had since picking up intuitively that the psychic was right when I asked about Erik. The man told me he would die just months before Erik did.

Some how losing Odin feels so much worse. When we broke up my ex had him for two years. I picked up Odin just last summer. I’ve only had him 9 months!…NINE! It’s so not fair. I just got him back after 2 years of missing him so much. It’s so hard to live and not hate myself for how this happened.

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