Numb

…For now…

We have the cremation this afternoon and I will be putting together a ceremony on Odin’s bday. It’s a few weeks away because I am not in an emotional state to out together videos and pictures or to prepare a speech. My family and my ex will be there but my friends here on Tumblr are allowed to join. It will be a zoom meeting on April 15th. Just a few days shy of my 5th anniversary with Erik and 1 year of Matt’s death. I want to try to focus on my spiritual journey anniversary and not what causes upset.

Last night Cleo came over to talk about some weird text message she got and to hang out with us. She did a blessing over Odin’s makeshift casket we had to hide under the couch from Barry but he could smell dead animal and appeared he wanted to get Odin out of there. It was so heartbreaking to see Barry work so hard to get my baby out like he was trapped. Cleo was a nice distraction. We drank and listened to music. Then I broke down and she hugged me.

A friend for Barry

Idk when I’ll be able to go to an animal shelter. Rick wants to wait….until June. Well I guess we’ll have to wait then. I had a job interview and hour ago which I purposely bombed because I already knew it wasn’t a job for me but I had been playing tag trying to schedule an interview so I felt bad.

Since I’m an honest person by nature I couldn’t help but be honest about how I was doing. You know how people say -How are you? Yeah I couldn’t say I was fine. I couldn’t say that my week has been fine. I couldn’t be just fine.

Drinking again…

I’ve been drinking more lately and I don’t plan to be completely sober handing over Odin’s makeshift casket for cremation. Tempted to open his box just to pet him one last time. Idc if he’s been rotting. He’s my baby.

Maybe tonight I’ll try to talk to Odin’s spirit. Idk if it’s possible or if I should even bother. Rn Barry is sitting on my chest like Odin used to do. 🥺🤧 I feel like part of my soul has been ripped away from me. On the bright side we got the donations past 100$ to cremate him and using the extra for the urn. The plan is to get shelves in the wall over the TV and put him there with pictures of him around it.

😘💕 I love you my Odie…

This entry was posted in tumblr blog and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.