Stopping victim mentality is HARD!

If you are serious about becoming spiritually mature on your journey, we have to make attempts to heal. No you don’t need to be completely cleansed. It’s just not possible but if you think it works, do you. Maybe it depends on how deep your wounds are.

I know I write a lot about my struggles and how this journey is tough at times. Parts of why I have this blog online is:

  • It won’t get tossed if written in a notebook.
  • I want to openly bexpress myself.
  • Hope that I help someone go through the same thing.
  • To heal.

Healing is a repeating process.

It’s a practice you gotta do every day or as often as your mental health allows. There’s no race or need to clear yourself of all things “bad”. I think we need some traumatic experiences to share with people. To show people you’ve been there and you know what it’s like. Helping others is unconditional love.

Victim mentality that is deep coming from early childhood abuse is nuts. Idk if it’s true for everyone though. Mine was just emotional abuse and some unintentional parental neglect. It’s not an excuse that my mother was a single very young parent if three. She could have had an abortion or gave us up.

Now personally I wouldn’t go the abortion route but I also never got myself pregnant either. I’m 33 and childless so….yeah. To be clear I don’t care if anyone has abortions but it would have honestly been nice if she either aborted or gave us up if she wasn’t mature enough to be a parent is all. Her actions are the very reason for a while I didn’t want kids. In fact all three of us siblings still have no kids because of how oblivious our mother was.

Anyway so the abuse wasn’t physical or whatever.

It was purely neglect and verbal abuse. I was born with special needs from the jump. I had to have several surgeries due to hernias. Then I had classic signs of autism but it went unnoticed because back then girls and women were not diagnosed. My mother was never around and when she was she locked herself in her room and didn’t want to be bothered. Single mother under 25 with two jobs. She barely had any time so because of that we stayed at group homes. That’s a whole other bag of chips.

Traumas starting at a young age and continues into adulthood? Yeah it’s hard as fuck to not feel sorry for yourself. I was heavily bullied and generally treated like shit for a number of reasons and if you don’t know, my TF is deceased and that’s another whole bag of chips so it’s a constant thing of…

My life sucks, my twin flame is dead wahh wahh wahh, why me, oh woe is me 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

I allow myself to feel, express myself and then do my best to let it go. Yeah it’s hard. Erik tells me all the time that I gotta let myself really feel and cry about it. I don’t like crying. My problem is I’ll rant for a second and then focus on something else. Then tuck away my feelings until something happens even like my period or something not panning out I literally would cry all day (privately) and then heal by talking about it with Erik andor Rick.

It’s a repeat process and at first…

….I wasn’t seeing results until I realized that I actually dont absolutely hate my mother anymore.

For example…

She was young and I’m sure scared. Yeah I’m harsh on young mothers because of my experiences but not as much. I was able to text my mom everything I felt about her. I even said some very hurtful things. Like really railed it into her because I couldn’t hold how I felt in anymore. What triggered me was that she chose an abusive man over me and my siblings. Ironically I was in the very same exact situation! That’s how we ended up homeless around the same time. More about that later. Insane!

The miracle was that while it made her cry, I’m very certain it allowed her to understand why I couldn’t give a rats ass about her cancers, why I was always defiant, and why I couldn’t go to her when I needed her. She in her way apologized. Now we have a relationship and when we both coincidencentally became homeless together I stayed with her at the shelter, ran errands for her (she can’t walk from the cancer treatments now), call her on her birthday, call her on mothers day and even call her when I’m upset or just bored.

There was also a repetative past life dream I had that made me realize also that part of why my mother was so reluctant to care for me at times was because I was a slave driver in the south assumingly. She was my slave! When I saw the poor old women’s eyes, I saw my mother. It was so powerful. I understood that she felt like a slave to me. I was demanding but it wasn’t my fault though. It still got me to understand why things were. It was hard to stay angry with her. And yeah I told her about the dream.

So stopping the victimhood is a constant process.

The important thing is that you become consciously aware. Recognize you are in pain, try not to take it out on others, don’t make yourself entitled, feel your feelings and release them. But you gotta keep at it and always aim to heal. Also…

*AHEM* ….😌

😆📢 No one owes you jack fuck-all because you had a tough life!

This is the gospel of truth. This also isn’t to say your pain is invalid. It’s to say that it’s no one’s job to heal you and believe me…no one wants that job, mmkay? YOU have to heal YOU. I’ve been there and done that and it just doesn’t fucking work because people will then start hating you. You have to realize that God, the world, the people in it do not need to bend to your will just because you either refuse to be accountable or heal. I get that healing is hard. It’s hard for everyone! Everyone has pain and it’s a spectrum. Please don’t get into the habit of saying…

Well my pain is worse than yours blah blah blah …

Pain is pain no matter how you spin it. Does it hurt? Was it traumatic? Okay great welcome to the PTSD club now sit the fuck down and get serious about stopping the victimhood bullshit. It doesn’t get you anywhere. It just makes you look like a self-obssessed entitled asshole. Recognizing you need to heal is the first step to it. You need to give yourself credit and keep moving forward.

😘💕 Most of all don’t be so hard on yourself!

Side note: …I know it’s hard because I beat myself up all the time 🤣. Even for shit not my fault. Now that’s just dumb isn’t it?

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