Okay I’m Pissed…!

Today we had to go to Target to buy some moving boxes and storage bins for all of my clothes. The problem with that was. I HAVE SO MUCH FUCKING GODDAMN CLOTHES! The reason for this is because of my weight. I have so many pants especially.

The thing is my weight fluctuates a lot. Like I’ll be at my ideal weight for a few years and then my BMI will be too high for a few years back and forth. I tried to go to the gym but it’s not the same. Back when I was homeless the gym was my escape from the shelter. I was there every day and as a result. I was a really good shape.

Then I went to Texas with Matt (rip 😓)

And over just a month I was back to being overweight. I’ve been at around 160 for a few months. So I’m packing and looking at all of my cute clothes that don’t fit me. It’s just motivation to get back in shape as soon as the move is finished. All of this moving to a new apartment is exercise in itself anyway. Literally every day cleaning and packing and doing errands.

I loved how I looked and felt being healthier. Lately since fall I’ve been letting it go. Heard Matt died, then Erik’s bday came up and then his death anniversary, then the process began for the move including the application and all that fun shit. Oh yeah I lost the singing contest so….yeah it’s been a rough few months with just this move and the cabin thing to look forward to. There’s that.

I’m still coughing?!

Had this dry cough for over a week now and it’s really getting on my nerves. At first I had a cold. Now, the cold is gone but this annoying cough! Trying to adult in COVID with a cough loud enough to wake the dead is not cute. What the fuck is it? Allergies?

I’ve got an essential oil lamp misting out mints and lavender right on my night stand to help me breathe better. I’m taking allergy pill at night and in the morning, drinking plenty of water, sucking on cough drops and even taking cough syrup ….gross.

Still trying to stay positive?!

I’m really fucking trying. The move will be great. It’s a bigger place, it will be better organized, it will be better for the cats, thier new cat tree came in the mail. It’s really going to be awesome and the cabin will be fun too like a mini vacation.

It’s all of the stress compounded with depression getting in the way and I just feel so tired. I really feel worn out and grasping at a lifeline. Erik said he’s with me on this; every step of the way and it’s comforting. What I really need rn are a few nights of some good travels.

😘💕 Good night!

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