Erik helped me sleep off my cold πŸ₯Ί

I’m doing a little better. Found an old bottle of NyQuil last night with a bear expiration date. I never use the measuring cup lol πŸ˜† so I sipped the last bit and cuddled with him last night watching The Unforgivable on Netflix. It was a very good movie and I recommend it!

Today I woke up spitting out little green men which means I’m doing a lot better. I must have gotten sick from my allergies being so bad or caught it from someone. Who cares? I don’t. I just want to feel better so that I can focus on moving. πŸ˜† To be honest I’m enjoying the extra rest and that’s what I’m getting. After a good shower, I slept a good deal today too.

I got all comfy in bed wrapped up in my blankets.

Since I was little I love the feel of weighted blankets. My nickname was Linus as a baby because I had this blanket I’d carry around with me all the time. My mom would let it get dirt just to help me develop my immunity but my granny would yell at my mom to wash it. She couldn’t even get it out of my hand while asleep. I remember my mom getting frustrated and my uncle teasing her about calling me Linus. Peanuts (Charlie Brown) was my mom’s favorite comic and cartoon. Every time she tried to take it away, I’d flip the fuck out.

Back in Florida, I had a huge white comforter I’d wrap around me. Most people have robes and I still have my fluffy pink bath robe. A very nice one too. But that comfortable was always wrapped around me. We kept the condo at 70Β° all year around. My ex, Vince would call me a bean burrito. Sounds racist but it was appropriate anyway lol 🀣.

It didn’t take me long to drift into some sort of meditative state before actually falling to sleep. It wasnt very detailed but I saw us looking different. It was unclear if it was a past life or future life or somewhere in between or nothing at all. I was with him and my heart raced. It was like something out of a movie. I don’t want to get into too much detail but it was nice.

My bf woke me up from being at the store.

And I needed to take more medicine. Rick bought some DayQuil and more NyQuil. I’m still tired but I took a sip of DayQuil and I’m about to get some more sleep. I have an oil defuser with peppermint in it on my nightstand. While facing in that direction it’s helping me breathe better.

So I’m going to see if I can get more rest before going back to my video game. I’m playing Kingdom Hearts on my PS2 emulator from my computer 😊 which has made me happy because it was a game I almost beat. I want to finally beat a console game but every time I get close, some fuck-shit happens like my computer gets a virus or something goes wrong or I completely forget about the game and lose it somehow.

I still don’t want to sing anymore.

It’s best I focus on something else for a while. Never in a million years did I think that I’d actually want to stop. Losing the contest to someone without as much talent or experience really devastated me. In spite of how much people back me up, I feel like I’ve been gaslit pretty fucking hard…. publically. Being bullied fucked up my selfsteem. Singing gave me self esteem and something I was proud of because I worked so hard.

Feeling like the rug was pulled underneath me like that ruined the one thing that made me happy and what I looked forward to. I’m going to focus more on the band project now instead. But going out to sing? Going to a bar? Not so much.

πŸ˜˜πŸ’• I love you guys!

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