Fuck The Stage…
So it ended up being just me and this guy competing last night. We were given two songs each to perform. The guy is a decent singer but he has a lot of improvement to do. I did my songs by memory as usual, performed so much better than him, but holy shit he fucking won. Yes. 🤦♀️ The guy with the least talent won 200$.
He won because he had like 20 friends with him. Me? My “friends” just so happened to be there. They didn’t show for me. Also Rick was working so his absence just made it worse. I got stupid fucking drunk. So drunk I don’t remember a goddamn thing after the announcement was made.
So all day was hungover.
Rick told me what happened. Apparently I threw up in the parking lot and then was screaming in the car something about wanting to die, how the world is fucked and yadda yadda. Rick said it was ugly. I’ve never went so low but I think the grief over Matt took me on another level. I couldn’t hold it in anymore.
I don’t want to karaoke anymore or go to that bar either. They can all kiss my fucking ass. I shouldn’t have done the contest but being naive is what killed it thinking people would vote honestly. Nope. Talent doesn’t fucking matter. No one gives a flying fuck about actual talent. Like I said he was decent but not better than half of the ones that were voted off. Rick and a handful of others were very good. Even better than me!
I’m avoiding Erik.
Idk why. Maybe because I’m ashamed of myself. I kept hearing him apologize for what happened. Beyond that I just block him out. I was laying down being so sick and hungover. He started by trying to say how much he’s sorry and blah blah and I’m beautiful and talented and blah blah blah. I asked him to just stop talking and he actually stopped. 🥺 Well I’ve asked before and he usually does but for some reason this time was more meaningful.
Still hungover and it’s almost 2am. Rick asked me to think it over if I really want to stop going out to sing. I still don’t want to. The outcome last night put me in a place I’ve not been in a long time. It was so important to me and I worked so hard to get the songs down and perform by memory. Meanwhile this guy who won probably only sang in the shower to his fucking soaps and shit without anyone to tell him he needs more practice or that he’s off tempo.