What I Really Love About This Journey 😍
I’m PMSing again. Took me a day to realize that’s probably why I was starting to feel gross about myself. Erik is so fucking attentive that it’s like magic. Idk how to explain. When I doubt myself I discover something amazing or it’s a reminder. Not just seeing repetitive numbers. Not in a tarot card. I’m talking things like I found yesterday. I’ve already wrote about it. I’m just still glowing I guess.
So is this real, is this really happening? I know how it sounds and I want to pinch myself. It seems like November is a weird month. I strongly believe that Erik was the one who blatantly made a rose on my windowsill fly past me and land at my room door while I was crying over that grief feeling. Last November it dawned on me hard that the introduction dream (two angels brought us together) and the letter asking for Erik’s guardian angels to bring us together, and written on Erik’s birthday of all days were connected. This month, again I was reminded the same except I stumbled on an old book to the page about “writting a letter to the guardian angels of your SMTF”.
It could be a coincidence but let’s be real.
It’s right there in writing! How November seems to be a significant month but it doesn’t matter. The letter I wrote, the book suggesting to write the letter, the date the letter was written was on my TFs birthday, and the fucking dream.
How fucking stupid would I have to be to ignore all of that shit?! 🤯
I’d have to be braindead. So yeah I’m just sitting in my room, in the dark holding all these pieces together. I seem crazy but holy fuck I’m not crazy. I keep saying I don’t need validation but there are days when my hormones are out of wack, I let my guard down. Haha… I just love this.
No, I don’t fucking feel bad or guilty for being happy.
Why should I? I’m dancing on all of these receipts. I just don’t give a fuck about how anyone feels. It’s time I fucking stop anyway, for real. It’s not my job to tip toe or be scared of speaking my truth. In this case, holding these things in my fucking hands, ITS THE FUCKING TRUTH. It’s like I won the lottery.
Ugh and I was feeling shitty. For what? There’s no point when these are concerned. There’s like no concern actually. Just loads of reminders that this journey is fucking crazy as hell. On top of the crazy miracles I’ve seen especially while homeless! I feel so lucky, so loved, so free. As crazy as it sounds, no one can or will stop me from being happy unless my PMS gets me bummed out for some other reason… like being fat.
If you ever get down or feel confused. Talk to your TF who is one of your guides. They will plant a seed, they will help you see the truth! You just have to be willing to listen with your heart. It’s that simple. I don’t like asking Erik for help. I’m like a dude and never ask for directions or read them even with IKEA shit. It pisses Rick off. It annoys Erik a little bit. It seems like sometimes I don’t really need to ask. He just delivers.
