50 Shades Of Dead….(yes)

I’ve seen only the first two 50 SoG movies. I hated them. Really hated them. A friend of mine pointed out how the Mr Grey character looks like an older Erik. WHHHHHHYYYYYY?! 😱😭 Even went so fucking far to create fucking side by side collage of both of them!


Of course I kept it…😳🙃 Not to be pervy or in ways most people would expect. I use the character to help me see Erik without actually seeing him because I’m still working through being able to without crying or crawling into my shell. It’s training wheels I guess to help me get used to seeing him. My dreams would benefit a lot. I love my dreams…😳 I can dream travel and they are extremely vivid and lucid that I feel everything…EVERYTHING.

Erik’s higher self or “Realm Incarnate” look similar to the character too.

More in personality I think…or maybe Erik and his higher self look like “Mr Grey” in some way. It’s hard to tell because of my emotional attachment. Although, he’snot as arrogant or controlling. I don’t mind being told what to do anyway. He’s kind of a high rank in The Realms from my understanding of it. Kinda makes sense. 😳 Oh dear lord reading 50SoG has me looking at my situation in a different light (again). My life is a mixture of Twilight AND 50SoG. All the good parts. None of the pointless drama.

The only drama we have is my occasional major depressive episodes, PMS outbursts and wallowing in self-pity over his death. Erik is always encouraging, kind, understanding and eager to help me feel better even when I tell him to fuck off. He’s really my better half? Geez…

I can relate to Ana Steele and Bella Swan.

Often in my head, in my own way, awkward, don’t quite fit in, plain and even though people say I’m “beautiful”, I think grossly otherwise…OH! I also live in SeattleTacoma, Washington. *Sigh* It’s weird to me. I never thought life could be this way. I read the Twilight books way before they were popular. I was even made fun of for being into the vampire shit. Never really was into it. I just liked the books. The movies were extremely horrible but I’ve seen them anyway with low expectations.

Reading about Ana Steele being all googley-eyed over Christian was kind of embarrassing because I’ve had all those thoughts about my TF when we are together in our astral home. But since he’s in my head he hears my fucking thoughts and makes me say things aloud. Even when innocently hanging out. So fucking embarrassing to read. Like reading my own thoughts.

But why tho….?!

I’m on my way home from band practicehangout. I DID NOT have a good night’s sleep the other day so today’s been a bummer being all on edge and tired. In spite of it being 1am…I’m wide awake now and will soon be able to understand what Erik’s is saying because right now, I’m kind of emotionally jarred from reading chapters of the book being how in some ways it’s kind of my life mixed with Twilight. 🙃 Ugh…I want to talk to him but I don’t want to.

Who am I kidding…Of course I’m going to like a fucking loon.

Correction; My life is a mixture of In Your Eyes (really good TF movie BTW), 50 SoG, AND Twilight.

😘💕 Good night!

This entry was posted in tumblr blog and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.