When I started feeling Erik again…
This was in 2016 around summer. The dreams started happening again. I felt Erik kiss me and I woke up to find Vince asleep, snoring. I was drinking a lot, not medicated, seeking an escape from the feeling of Erik. For years I pushed Erik out of my mind but deep down I knew the psychic was right about Erik’s death. I OD’d in 2012 and since then had to believe he was still physically alive.
I was drinking and crying all the time. It got so bad I self harmed. It’s embarrassing to write about. I needed the pain, something else to focus on. When it wore off I started popping pills and drinking to numb me. Things between me and Vince was bad. I had that feeling again about Erik that I couldn’t understand. When you can explain how you feel and you don’t understand it yourself, it can drive you to do stupid things like stand just a step away from incoming traffic. Instead I sat on the sidewalk crying my eyes out on the phone with a friend.
That’s when I decided to get back on my meds.
I have been ever since. The reason I stopped was because I didn’t want my intuition. The pills gave me a clear head. It was easy to concentrate therefore easier for my intuition to be felt. Even off meds I can feel it but not as strong. It didn’t matter what meds and I’ve been on many. If they worked, I can think better manage my anxiety, depression, PTSD, ocd and even tourrettes much better. It’s nice to not drop things all the time. Growing up intuitive, I would see the future, see dead people (even my mom’s dog), but it stopped in the middle of 9th grade I think because my bipolar was starting to show it’s ugly head. So my intuition sort of left.
Saw a therapist for a very short time. Thinking back, he kinda looked like Erik. I really liked him so when I heard he left I didn’t want to see anyone. Honestly, I hate therapists. I grew up seeing several specialists who had no idea girls can be autistic. I just wanted to be normal. So being able to talk to that therapist was very nice. The Zoloft and respiradone combo was working too. Vince and I were doing well.
Then I started to lactate (a side effect)…
This was winter 2017 so since then, Seroquel became my friend. I go my job back at the bankruptcy firm. Things seemed to go well. That was until I was bedridden from the flu for 2 weeks being forced to stay in bed and watch YouTube for proof of life after death because a friend of the family recently died. Nice women too. I had a dream with her and then dreams with Erik started up again. Even saw his face and heard him beg me for forgiveness.
My higher self was upset with Erik it turns out.
In trance, I saw her chew Erik out for invading my dreams like he had because it had a negative effect. It was a catalyst for change. A necessary change. It got me to get back on meds. It was starting to have an effect on my intuition strengthening. While I laid in bed sick as FUCK, I prayed to God that if he really existed to give me a new lease on life. I said that if I’m really intuitive that I will get it back and use it for good…TA-DAAAAAA! Here I am.
My higher self wasn’t satisfied. I saw her concern for me. All she wanted was for Erik to promise protection for me. She wasn’t sure if she could alone. Afterall, I’m stubborn and hard-headed. It was so wired to see. It flashed very quick. Like a movie on fast forward but can see and understand everything.
This journey then started in 2017. You know what in all these years, I’ve not really been harmed. I’m just owning my truth and sharing that unconditional love exists even after death. TF or not, I don’t care. I can’t be angry at Erik for waking me up. God answered my prayers. Also, I loved all those dreams. They meant a lot to me. They still do.
Not only did I get my intuition back I have had a fresh start!
I went through homelessness for a year and seen so many miracles that I know for certain at least for me, that God exists! He came through again when I asked for a bigger apartment. I just got approved. Anyway, I moved 3k miles away from home and started my new life in Washington with Rick who has been so good to me and Erik loves him. Since then, I’ve rebuilt what I had back before I was homeless. I was missing a bigger home. Now it’s complete when we move in January. It’s about the same size as my old condo in Florida.
All this is why I can’t deny my story. I’ve seen way too much good in this journey to turn my back on Erik again. I was scared and I didn’t want to be crazy. All my life I just wanted to be normal. But what IS normal? I clung to that and I was athiest then agnostic. Now I’m not afraid and I have my life back. We also had three lives we couldn’t be open about our relationship. I was scared and frustrated in those lives. It’s over now.
