Why I still call Erik my TF in spite of despising the TF fad
Twin flame, twin soul, soul mate, etc. It’s basically the same shit. I realized that the fad is a joke for another reason. It doesn’t promote authentic unconditional love. People read all these stupid “Twin Flame Signs” and use those to place conditions on people for whether or not they will love another. Most people wouldn’t just love someone regardless if they meet the “criteria”. That’s not unconditional love.
I’ve changed the way I thought about all of it because even if my tf was just a demon with a heard of gold (joke) I’d still love him. Even if he were alive, I’d still love him. It’s unconditional love! I lack other ways to call Erik something besides my TF. Maybe spirit spouse is okay but my relationship is kind of private in that I don’t go out of my way to detail all the intimate things. I don’t want people getting ideas.
The TF thing is just toxic bullshit.
I cant associate myself with the toxic people who have thier heads up thier ass but for the sake of sharing my story and my journey with my TF, unfortunately this is how it has to be. I don’t do TF readings anymore or market my tarot work for that. I don’t want to be part of the problem but part of the solution.
When people tell me how I should view my journey or stick thier dirty nose in my business with gaslighting, I don’t listen. They behave out of ignorance and maybe fear. It’s likely they haven’t read my blog to gain clarity. They just want to be dickheads without two braincells to rub together.
Whether I like it or not, –Sometimes I hate it.
Erik is my Twin Flame. That’s it. I’ve dealt with this for over 5 years. We’ve done so much work, I’ve learned so many things, I’ve had so many miracles happen that it would be a crime to deny it all. It would be a great failure. I have the advantage in that he’s in spirit to know for certain because of all the things we’ve worked on in the past 5 years. Most people don’t get that. Me and a handful of others with a TF in spirit know this.
I didn’t believe in TFs. To me it was a joke so to have Erik tell me we’re TFs was a shock. The initial shock was difficult and then I thought he could be a demon or fucking with me. In the beginning it was easy to convince myself I was just crazy. As time went on it wasn’t so. Now these days I don’t worry if I’m crazy but I wish I was just because some days it’s hard to have a dead TF. Who wants that?
A psychic told me that he would die.
For a few days in a row back in early 2009, I was having dreams about being with some guy hovering over the earth. My whole life I felt an urge to find a guy who didn’t live in my state but was in the country. I wasn’t looking strictly for love. I had a sense that time was running out and I needed to find him; to protect him. The psychic knew right away what I was saying without really saying it.
It tore me apart. I cried in my closet for a long time begging for it to not be true. I had to force myself to believe the psychic was wrong. Then when I felt Erik was really dead, I slipped into a very dark place and had to again make myself believe he was still alive. I HAD TO believe he was still alive even though I felt his spirit with me and the dreams where he’d show up began. My attempted suicide happened and I really needed to believe he was alive for the sake of my own life.
Today is the anniversary of his death.
I’m not okay. All I can think of over and over is what the psychic had said to me. I remember his voice. He was a world renowned psychic and the son of one who interested me. I didn’t know if I believed in psychics but I grew up an intuitive in denial. They way he said what he said cut and burned.
Was supposed to go out with my bf today but I can’t leave my bed. I can’t stop beating myself up. I miss Matt too. Erik told me in a dream that one of my closest friends died. It was confirmed by looking at his FB page with RIP written all over it. I followed Matt to Texas where Erik’s also from. We went coincidentally on his bday. Now Matt’s dead. These past two months has had me so fucked up.
