Again this week either high or drunk. I’m trying to decide what to do on my TFs death anniversary. Maybe get another tattoo and my bf mentioned something about an outdoor race track. Yeah, I feel like racing too. If I stay home I’m just going to shut myself in and drag myself around. Gonna need my fucking weed vape. No way I want to be sober. I’m really shitty about grief.
Got my last hurrah on acid. I don’t usually do too much but I find that acid gets me to process my feelings more. It will be another month or so until we do again. We planned to go to the mountain for Xmas or new years staying at a cabin.
God I remember begging Matt to be there for me two years ago. I tried meth in Texas for the first time. HATED IT. It’s so trashy and not at all spiritual. It’s just like having loads of espresso shots and I hate that feeling. Anyway, he ended up technically abandoning me. Which I was furious with him for. He went to San Antonio and I went to the loony bin on Oct 6 2019 crying historically, scared and alone in another state that felt like home minus the beaches and drug dealers on every corner. I don’t really like Texas…
