He Doesn’t Get To Judge Me!
I’ve ran this argument with Erik several times. He doesn’t get a kick out of telling me how I’ve fucked up but he tries to guide me in the right direction. So I know he means well. This is just the wrong time of year and month to give me “the talk”.
Had a fight with my bf. I’m emotional, moody, edgy, tired, constipated, anxious and hungry. If I’m hungry on top of all that, I’m not a joy to be around. So to make up for the shit I caused, I made dinner tonight. Then as I was walking back to my room to finish up an episode of Frenquency on Netflix, in my head I told him.
He doesn’t get to judge me for whatever fuckery I do or get myself into!
Not him or Matt get to fucking tell me when I fuck up. Matt fucked up a whole lot while I tried to help him. Erik killed himself instead of waiting. They don’t have any fucking right to give me grief as if I don’t have enough of it already.
I’m so fucking angry. I just want to be left alone. Rick gets it or at least has other things to do other than be up my ass about my self-care practices or lack there of. I can feel my angels and my granny trying to calm me down so I’m struggling not to cry. I just don’t want to deal with this shit anymore. My whole life I struggled with being different and as a kid on top of that struggled with my intuition. I hated being intuitive. It laid dormant for just a few years when shit happened in high school. Thank God!
I really wish I was crazy.
I’ve had this talk with my bf. The only thing crazy about me is that I have the attention span of a fly, that I drink a lot, and my pms is pretty bad. There are other menial things but me with the ability to talk to dead people and beings isn’t one of them. Idk sometimes I miss living in my ignorance. I miss not believing this this shit. I miss having my intuition dormant.
Even 5 years into this journey, I still think sometimes I’m insane but every time, it’s like the universe does something to remind me I’m not. Erik warns me about a lot of things. I usually brush it off and so many times he proved to be right. I can’t call it a coincidence and I believe in coincidences. Then there are the very vivid dreams I can’t ignore. Most of the times they are just dreams but I just know they are more.
I’ll be fine…I’m going to put on my make-up and go out tonight to sing. First, I need a few beers.