Ways I Avoided My Intuition

This is in no way a recommendation for anyone struggling with thier intuition. If anything this is a warning because if done enough, you can cause serious damage and run the risk of addiction. I consider myself lucky I’ve not fried my brain. Yes I actually had myself checked out!

I grew up intuitive and since I was already picked on an bullied for my disabilities and for sport, when I learned not everyone can see the future or talk to dead people; I kept it hidden, did research, and tried to figure out why and how these things were happening to me. Eventually it got to the point I was so fed up it actually laid dormant.

With slight glimpses here and there, I was able to manage or ignore it. A psychic told me the person I felt compelled to look for my whole life would die. The phone call was early 2009 and Erik would die late 2009. In 2010ish I began to notice a shift in my room. I began to cry because I just knew the psychic was right. A fake rose from my window literally flew across me and landed at my door. Since then, I knew I wasn’t alone.

Then I had weird urges to do things.

Like stroll through cemeteries and even have my lunch there while at work. I didn’t do it because it was kind of weird to me. I started becoming interested in motorbikes but I figured I’d try for a Vespa instead as one was literally being offered for 300. Chickened put last minute and still haven’t got my driver’s license. Real bad anxiety. Then I took up guitar (electric this time) in 2011. Honestly got frustrated with it and bought myself a bass in 2015. I’ve been playing bass ever since! I’m a decent player I guess lol 😆.

I was always interested in guitar but everything else was very out of character for me. It didn’t stop there. I was feeling like someone was with me. I suffer from night terrors. Most nights since 2010, I’d feel someone cuddling with me as long as my bf wasn’t around. I felt safe and I’d feel even more comfortable with lite music on. What’s even weirder is I’m short at 5ft tall. I always positioned myself as if someone holding me was taller.

Soon I began to have “feelings” for this “person”.

I couldn’t deal with the thought of it. If the psychic was right, he’s dead. What the fuck am I supposed to do?! My bf at the time was becoming abusive too. So I also figured maybe this was all a manifestation of something. But I’ve had this spirit friend even before Rob became a dick.

As Rob took up drinking and partying, so did I and noticed that alcohol was the only way I couldn’t feel anything and yeah I was on psych meds, –which btw I’ve been on so many over 13 years on and off at varying dosages that I realize actually without my meds I don’t have the concentration I NEED to use my intuition! I was stupid mixing drugs, alcohol and my meds together all in the name of not feeling a thing.

Because Erik couldn’t reach me while intoxicated…

…He started appearing in my dreams. I remember all of then because how can I not? They started to become frequent in 2012. I had enough of Rob’s shit, moved in with Isaac which was a worse situation and I picked up where I left off with Rob only to find myself overdosing on my meds. I couldn’t do it anymore. I felt that I NEEDED to stay alive for Him. The spirit friend that stayed at my side. Killing myself just wasn’t the answer but I couldn’t go on either. So I had to tell myself he was still alive. Eventually I gave that up too.

I quit spiritual stuff; put all my books, crystals, card decks and just everything spiritual out of reach. The dreams stopped until 2014 or 15 when it became very clear in a dream I had with Erik. He told me I needed to get back on track. I needed proof. So he dragged me to the meeting I’ve written about so many times. When I saw him, I thought he was attractive but 🙄 annoying. He wouldn’t stfu or leave me alone.

😗💕 Great lol Erik wants to talk now.

Oooooh goodie…