Netflix And Cry

I’ve been working every day because having money will cheer me up. I get to save up for for tats and pay my credit cards. It’s kind of a win-win but work is a little frustrating.

Tonight I broke down and Erik suggested we watch Netflix. At first I just wanted to cry myself to sleep. Erik hates when I do that and since I can hear him I didn’t want him to beg. Rick is on his anime run, I donn’t really feel like being around anyone anyway.

Almost made a huge mistake.

Wasn’t thinking straight. Took my meds early while my bf was sleeping to get up early for work today. I had this bright idea to put on my gym stuff just so I could either walk to the gym or the bar to blow off steam. Nope. My meds started to kick in and I woke up my bf from digging through my clothes.

I forgot that I took my meds feeling loopy and stupid. Almost made it out the door. If I had left, I would have been found on the ground somewhere. Clearly I wasn’t thinking at all. So that’s a lesson learned.

I feel like a failure in so many ways.

It’s not true, I’m not a failure but I feel this heaviness in my heart. I’m heartbroken so fucking much. Matt loved me. I know he did. I miss him but right now, Erik is the only one who can help me.

Time to finished The 100…

😘💕 Good night loves!

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