How I Hardly Became A Rape Victim


I’ve told several stories about dates that have gone wrong to my friends.

Never really realized that I was raped. About 5x. I’m on the spectrum and it was even worse when I didn’t know for sure I was an aspie. Honestly I think it’s because of how “dumb” I was, that made my rapes less traumatic. It never dawned on me I was raped. Never thought of them as such. Just “quirky” or cringe incidences I laughed off. Except for one though. One was a little more serious but it still doesn’t bother me when I think of it.

It was emotional abuse that fucked me up.

Nothing really physical. My mind was twisted up by people, some made me believe I was a bad person all because I couldn’t understand them, I was used as a placeholder for a better girl, or I was used just for being a high school student, –I was 19 and honestly I was using him just as equally. “I got an older bf and you don’t haha” kind of deal. Eventually I got tired of his shit and broke it off, moved on to another distraction.

So I guess I’m “lucky” to have not really feel like I’ve been raped. I hardly think of it that way. To be fair I used guys too only now, like over 13 years later I realized I was no better than them except for one guy who I feel definitely raped me and I never saw or spoke to him again. It just puts a bad taste in my mouth 🤮 whenever I think about it but I don’t go into hysterics or get depressed.

I had no idea what I was doing or what was happening to me. No one taught me jackshit. Even though I’m in my 30s I have a little bit more knowledge and understand what people mean or want. But because in general it’s still confusing, I rather just stick to myself. Besides, I have a bf I’ve known for 13 years who I trust. It was actually him that made me realize that I was indeed raped. All in all I can only say for certain I was raped at least once but I don’t feel like a rape victim like that. 😕 I got over that one ordeal that happened to me and just moved on because the emotional abuse was way way worse for me.

This entry was posted in tumblr blog and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.