Someone with a hero complex to save men in distress.
…I fucking quit. The last one I tried to help died (Matt) recently. There was Brendan and Josh, if Erik didn’t die he’d be one too. 🙄 But I’m an idiot because I’m still talking to Josh and allowing him to use me as a punching bag.
It’s been days since I’ve taken a shower. Today, I took a shower but instead of crying all day, I’ve been eating and sleeping. Haven’t bothered to go to the gym either. Everything just feels pointless.
I still can’t believe Matt (aka Sean) is dead…
We were so close. So very very close. I am seeing flashbacks of things which happened with us and what we’ve done. It almost parallels in some way between Erik and I. It’s just a small detail I don’t feel like explaining. It’s nothing. Just a small detail.
I’ve not been talking to Erik for days but throughout, I’ve been hearing some encouragement from him. He’s saying he’s at my side. I’m just real tired of this. All of this in general. People are going to die but I can’t handle this right now. Not this month or next month. Regardless. I used to hang out with Matt everyday. Now, if I wanted to, I can hear him in my head.
Erik broke the news to me when I woke up almost a week ago. I already knew for every weeks. It’s still strange how Erik will tell me things and it happens. It’s too many times to be called a coincidence.