Remembering “Us”

I have had what I call “past life dreams” or remembering my lives while sleeping. It’s like watching a movie but I’m in it and can look at it in many angles. Most of the time I know generally what I look like but I never get a clear picture but I have seen other people.

My skills in dream travel and stuff came with practice and with the intent I have before going to bed. I drink a glass of water, and before I go to sleep and tell myself to remember a past life. If you try you have to be consistent and when you start having the dreams, pay attention. The difference between a regular dream and remembering a past life is just that. It’s like living in a memory. My regular dreams are chaotic. They don’t make sense and I feel completely out of control.

In past life dreams I have most control.

Thats the biggest difference for me. It will likely be different for you or not. I can’t say but I can speak from experience that for ME I know what I’m talking about. It comes with practice and I have a very good memory of these dreams. Some are vague but I get the general idea of what happened.

So…😬 I want to try to remember our past lives in my sleep. Right now it scares me for so many reasons. The biggest one is that our lives were very hard. Well, all lives are hard.. Especially for me I think. I had a very difficult time in our relationships. Most of it being because basically I wasn’t enough for him. He couldn’t stay with me. I don’t want to remember that. It’s hard enough as is.

One of our lives is actual recorded history. I’ve seen the 17-18th century journal entries. I wrote the same way as I do now but what filled most of the pages was sadness over his (Erik’s) absence. It’s very sad. Since he asked me to look us up, it took a year for me to do it and then I’ve not looked since. It’s just that painful. I know that aside from the issues we had, there must have been more. I just wish I could remember that. Preferably without crying.

I think I’m depressed, I’m not sure.

My grampa may be dieing from cancer and I’ve not talked to him in over a month which is uncharacteristic of me. I usually call once a month. The relationship with my half-brother on my mom’s side tanked so we aren’t talking. I’m not eating much, but I’m drinking plenty of water, and I just feel done. Done with covid, done with people, done with medications, done with pushing myself at the gym.

I’m just so fucking tired. I wake up and the first thought is food, then fuck my life and what I have to do that day. No, I don’t think about Erik 24/7 thats kind of weird. But he’s always the last I “talk to” or think about before bed so it’s frustrating I’ve not had past life dreams about us. It’s probably because it could be hurtful like I said. Maybe now wouldn’t be a good time.

We’ve done exercises in dreams.

He’d show up looking like someone else and I had to tell if it was him or not. I can feel Erik 100%. He will look different but I can feel him all the way. The reason he shows up looking like someone else is because it’s not as painful. It took 5 years before I saw his face. Anyway, so sometimes he will do me a favor and look like someone else. Once a youtuber guy I used to watch showed up in my dream and I was like, “I know you’re not him (Erik).” Then I woke up. My training was complete.

My favorite dreams are the space rides. It was amazing because before bed I was asking him if he could take me out for a ride. Sure enough, that night, he did! 😊 Of course when I’m nervous I crack jokes and I screwed everything up 2x because I’d wake up laughing my ass off from the juvenile shit I say! 😅 He’s serious and I crack jokes and vice versa. Well he should have known I’d say something dumb. 🤣 His reactions were priceless anyway! Omg yeah it was so fucking funny.

I cant push myself with this like I do with everything else.

Sooooooo I won’t. I’ll just 🙄 go to bed and if it happens it happens. Erik’s right. I really shouldn’t push myself now. It’s just not good timing. I took nearly a week off from the gym because I couldn’t get my hair wet for 4 days. The things we do for beauty. At least my hair is in good shape and growing pretty fast. I’ll have my length back in about a year from now.

I went back to the gym today and did a few rounds of squats around the house, sweat like fucking hell while doing laundry and cleaning the bedroom too. So I’m pretty sure I have a huge calorie deficit but I can’t bring myself to eat very much which isn’t good. I shouldn’t go to the gym until I get my appetite back. Otherwise I’m only causing harm.

😘💕 Good night yall!

This entry was posted in tumblr blog and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.