I’m a drinker. So I drink beer or straight liquor. No girlie drinks for me on my tab unless someone is paying for it. Unless I’m sick, I don’t say no to a free drink. Thats sacrilege to me. I used to drink wine. Actually I still do but at home. It’s been a while though.
Anyway so when I drink a lot, my tourettes acts up. It’s 😳 embarrassing so I guess get it out of the way when socializing drunk as can be, “Yeah so I have tourettes thats why it looks like for a second I’m possessed” or, “I’m not crazy, I just have tourettes”. I’ve gotten self-conscious since my tics have been getting worse especially when I’m drunk now.
No, it’s not tardive diskenesia!
Or whatever how you fucking spell that shit. I happen to be one of the rare lucky ones that develop AFTER the age of 18. Maybe it had gone unnoticed. I don’t care, it doesn’t change the fact I have bouts of uncontrollable jerkings. Not the fun kind. The embarrassing kind.
TD happens when you’ve been on high amounts of antidepressants or antipsychotics for years. I had not grown the balls to see a psychologist until I was 21 or 22. Grew up seeing all kinds of specialists because of my slowness, selective mutism, speech therapy or pathology, and special ED. Fun fucking stuff. I suggest everyone go through the fuckery. It’s made me hate therapists. 😒 They all irritate me. They are either too fucking soft or too fucking bitchy. Never a happy medium. I like to be told the truth but don’t belittle me or make me feel small, fuckasses. I’m cursing a lot today. Don’t fucking know why…🤔
People seem to be sympathetic at least to my face.
I wonder if it’s because I’m female? No fucking idea. Anyway people creep me out. They are so hard to understand so I try to not give a fuck. I was having a slow day. Sometimes under lots of anxiety, I slow down so it appears I’m stoned but I’m just kind of checked out. So some douche-cunt-nozel was talking some sbit about how retarded I am. Since I was not on my A-game I just let his fuckass walk past me like he needed to shit. It’s just an example. Sometimes it’s senory overload that causes me to shutdown. 🤷♀️ I feel like anxiety and sensory overload are basically the same thing.
Today we watched a very interesting show on Netflix. Towards the end it made me feel like I could relate. It’s trippy and weird. It’s called Russian Doll. Towards the end of the 1st season the Character Nadiya and I have a lot in common. Everything down to the partying, hookups, cursing and fuck-it attitude. She reminded me of the me in my early 20s and even in some ways now, but a little more conservative. I don’t want to spoil it but it reminded me of what I would do for Erik.