It Appears I Have Everything

I have a great income, bought a ton of new and cool shit like my new 5 string Ibanez bass, got a great boyfriend, a wonderful twin flame (although dead but whatever) πŸ™„πŸ˜’πŸ˜‘ Anyway…Im not homeless anymore, and my project Witchblr.Com is blossoming.

I told Erik two years ago that no amount of money or anything is going to make up for all the bullshit I have been through. I’m still suffering. I’m still hurting. Nothing is going to change the fact that he’s gone.

Even if I’ve been Blessed because I didn’t kill myself when I very well could have.

…3 Fucking times πŸ˜‘. Couldn’t follow through with it because I’m afraid of going to hell (with my luck that’s where I’d go, just me) so, there’s that mess. I get to live on this shitty planet of shitty people for idk another 50 years or so. Good fucking grief. This is why I drink.

Speaking of which I had to stop drinking again (only at night) because if I have Sleep Apnea, which is very likely, drinking and crashing exacerbates my inability to breathe especially when I take 300mg of Seroquel which I took upon myself to lower down to 150mg a night until I finally hear back from that Dr.

I smoke CBD oil.

This is to help calm me down. Since I can’t smoke cigarettes either and I don’t like how klonopin gets me tired and that also messes with Sleep Apnea. Which reminds me since I lowered my dose on Seroquel, my Tourettes tics have come back. I don’t remember them being this bad. They’ve gotten worse since I became homeless. It must be the stress.

I know I should be grateful. Nevertheless, with a body full of problems, I can’t fucking win. So I’m not as fortunate as I look. Don’t get your titties twisted, I’m still generally miserable and rather deal with other people’s problems than my own, thank you very much 😐.

Now I that have that stupid Britney Spears song, Lucky stuck in my head…πŸ˜‘ kmn

πŸ˜˜πŸ’• 🐻Only you can prevent forest fires!

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