justindavis:

You’re struggling with feeling you can’t cope. Well, welcome to the bloody club!

I understand those feels to a point. It’s just he’s not Lucifer…

Basically I have yelled at him about how he has (STILL HAS) no right to tell me how to live my life. If I want to sleep a little extra or drink a few more beers to deal with the fact that this is happening, he should stop lecturing me on how I’m “hurting” myself. So he brings in an angel or whatever. Like that changes anything because it really doesn’t.

He killed himself. It’s not like he died of natural causes or an accident. I have suffered through worse. Much worse and I know it’s not a pissing contest but holy shit if anyone had a reason to kill themselves, it’s fucking me. All the way. 

It could have been me but it wasn’t because I had hope even though the psychic predicted his death, I still had hope I would find him and stop him no matter if he said there was no way I could have prevented it. That’s what he said. 

So I told Erik to fuck off and leave me alone.

I have begged and hoped maybe all this was some elaborate misunderstanding but he straight-up refuses to lie to me. We’ve tackled through so much, I’ve learned too much and I’m just too far gone to back out even if I wanted to. To deal with all of this, it’s easier to sleep, drink and get high when I feel miserable. I can’t ignore all the times leading up to meeting him, how he tried to get my attention. If it weren’t for the psychics and the dreams and the paranormal shit that happened around me, it would be easier to walk away.

Even if he “lied”, I know too well in my heart that he’s told me the truth. Unfortunately. So no matter what or who he is, it’s kind of too late for me and I have to accept and deal with this.

Oh the fuck well…🤷‍♀️ We have to get the fuck over it. Will it ever happen? Who fucking knows? Sure wish I was just crazy 🙄because that would be great. 

😘💕 Good night ya filthy animals lol

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