Wasn’t feeling well today. It may have been because I accidently took another of my birth control pills in mid-sleep when it was time to take my morning meds. Also forgot to take my morning meds the day before.

Then my period started early. I’m on a 91 day cycle now which is cool but I wasn’t supposed to get my shit for another month…😑. So cramps, nausea, crabbiness, and uncharacteristically emotional.

I also have been sleeping so late the sun is basically up before we decide to crash because we’ve been binge watching stuff on Netflix and I’ve been playing WoW to catch up before the new 🥰 expac comes out this fall.

Anyway…

I need to get back on the organic diet. I can visualize success and stuff. It’s not hard to do. However sometimes it irritates me. Because that includes learning how to see Erik without getting uncomfortable. I really hate that he can read my thoughts. It’s embarrassing. 😑 It’s REALLY embarrassing.

I have a problem with dairy (lactose intolerant). 🤤 I’ve been chowing on buttery home made popcorn, ice cream, and yogurt. I love dairy and it’s hard to quit especially when I’m on the time of the month. *sigh*…Im not so sure about alternative medicine. I use natural remedies or things improve my outward appearance. 🤔

I know prayer works. I have fears coming from my past lives, and im constantly worried about shit from it.

As much as I’d love to, I can’t just forgive Erik for how he was toward me in our lives and for killing himself. I wasted a lot of time and energy trying to understand who and why I felt compelled to sort of look for and protect. 🙄🤦‍♀️ I feel like a psycho and a freak because of it. My intuition nagged me and then the psychic predicted Eriks death months before. When that happened I instinctively knew but didn’t want to believe it. How do I forgive? Sometimes I feel over it and then something happens like a trigger to make me pissed again. I should be thankful to even had “found” Erik at all but in honesty, I’m not. Now having Rick, it’s even more complicated.