Love/Hate

Sometimes I get triggered to be royally pissed off at Erik. He’s dead. He’s screwed me over in all our past lives. I’m uncertain about my life after death. I’m terrified to die and find this has been a lie and I was right about no life after death. Yet at the same time I want to get my life over and done with already. Press the fast forward button. I hate myself for knowing this all along in my life as an intuitive. 🤬 I just knew and it took a psychic to be there bearer of bad news about Erik’s death.

I want to wake up and be a child again. Do things differently. I want to wake up forgetting about Erik. I don’t want Matthew to be my “future husband”. He’s an absolute wreck. I’ve been with wrecks and douchebags my whole life. I don’t want to be disappointed anymore. I hate that Matthew only kind of reminds me of Erik. 😤 I honestly don’t need an Erik doppelganger! I actively look for differences and focus on how he’s different. Matthew isn’t doing much with his life. He’s just coasting. He has nothing to offer. Yet he’s my “future husband”? Seriously?

🤦‍♀️🙅‍♀️Oh hail to the nine yards 🚫 naaahhhh!

Is this a joke or what?! I’m pissed and I was seathing going through the rom-com movies to choose from. Matthew would watch this crap with me. Matthew’s not afraid to be sappy. But he got stupid when he wanted to get his skateboard back from his ex. I told him it’s pointless. The lieing bitch isnt going to. She blocks him and he’s crawling to me as I’m saying, 🤦‍♀️ I told you so. I’m tired of people not listening to me. 🤷‍♀️ So the skateboard is sentimental value. Well I can just get him a new one. 😑 He’s got to cut his losses due to the fact he forgot about the head in his skull.

I don’t want to get screwed over again. I rather be the crazy cat lady. What if I get ahead and Matthew still has nothing? Am I still supposed to welcome him and hope he gets his life in order while he piggybacks on my disability checks? There’s no garuntee that he will find a job. The dude always has a block in the way and just lays playing dead. 🤦‍♀️ Oh speaking of which had the nerve to threathen me about killing himself. Yes, he had the royally fucking retarded balls. AFTER I TOLD HIM ABOUT ERIK!! Why do I attract idiots? He knows he’s got a lot to do and make up for the shit he put me through. Oh yeah. I’m not going to just let him in 😣 MY HOUSE. I don’t want to until he proves himself to me. 😑 Nuh-uh!

Just leave me alone.

To hell with it. I’m over the drama and bullshit. Both of them piss me off to no end. Men are retarded. This is why we can’t have nice things. This is why I just want to be left alone. Fuck em. They are trash. Garbage. Useless. Worthless…🙄🤦‍♀️ Why can’t I be lesbian?! I think women understand other women better. The problem is…. 😆 I don’t like tacos. Not even on Tuesday. Today is Tuesday!

*checks calendar for time of month*

Okay I’m probably PMSing. I don’t care… Erik is upset that I’m on a manhating spree. He’s dead. He’ll get over it. Meh… 🙄 And I barely texted Matthew because he hasn’t texted me any kind of real progress. I’m afraid of hurting his feelings so I’m just going to stay incognito. It’s better for everyone. This whole *woops pointer finger in the air* rig-a-ma-roll, bullshit. Just bullshit. Why anyone would think my life must be great is beyond me. It’s fucking retarded. 😡 I would give my left ovary to NOT have all of this fuck-shit. I can’t reiterate enough that my life is a goddamn joke and I’m the magnificent punchline and I want to drink two six-packs of beer, eat spicy cheesy poofs in my oversized shirt and watch P.S I Love You. I’m a wreck. Seriously…

😘❤️ Pray for me ya’ll. I’m serious.

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(ノ◕ヮ◕)ノ*:・゚✧Don’t forget to take a look at Erik’s blog run by his amazing mom Dr Elisa Medhus. Lots of stuff about his afterlife and 💩 at channelingerik.com.

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