Vanessa At Work

Omg so not to toot my horn because I’m really not a model or cakeface lol. While at the hospital in March, I got a little bit of a “fan club” Erik called it. Lmao I was hit on by the male nurses and the male patients. It was a co-hab hospital so there was no real segregation but they made it impossible to do the nasty there but I heard stories. No, I’m not that type of person. I’m extremely awkward anyway.

So… 😂 Lmao two of the patients fought over me. Like one was making me uncomfortable and I told him to stop but he kept being pervy. Like asking absurd questions about my private life. The other guy was drawing with me there in the “Day room” and heard it and got down the dudes throat about respecting me. Holy shit I lost count how many fights when on every day. This one specifically was just over respecting me. It got so ugly, they had “shots” aka tranquilizers; it was an all-out brawl and I was in the middle like:

😵 What’s going on?! I just want to draw…

It had to be explained that he was a pervert and had to explain to the guards and nurses what happened but it was so fast. Lmao omg this is rare and I’m assuming it’s just that I was in that part of the hospital but Erik kept saying that my higher self (Vanessa) is influencing me to be my true self. Well… It’s kind of hard there but that’s what I got for trying. It only got worse since being here at the campus. What hell that is. A friend I only THINK got beat up since hanging out with me. We were bored. But here just taking a walk with a dude means we are “together”? …Woah I guess being in a relationship for 8 years previously I’ve totally lost touch with dating and relating rules. Well I never understood social cues when it comes to close relationships. I never really cared to much to read people if I didn’t like them. Which is most of the people here so go figure…

I don’t notice when guys hit on me. The friend I’ve been with has been helping me with these people talking to me. I’m so grateful to have this lady with me to talk to about these things. Its a little overwhelming only because I just want friends and now I have to wonder if people are just trying to use me. It kind of depresses me because I want female friends my age but I never get them. Just guys who promise they just want to be friends or act friendly.

Being that I’m on the Autism Spectrum…

I guess it’s so easy to be taken advantage of and I don’t read people well and just overall scary. I just want to be loved for who I am and not have to wonder if this person is trying to do something. Like if you just want to take me home to fuck, just say it so I can run the other way! Or don’t and give me mixed messages like leave me hanging wondering WTF happened and not hear from for ages. Because it’s happened before and I can’t even explain how painful it is. Like just when I take a liking to someone, we hit it off, after a few “dates” we do the nasteh and then I never hear from them so I wonder as follows:

1. Was I that much of a bad lay? Sometimes I’ll admit I can be awkward.

2. Did I miss something? I don’t recall there being a agreement that this arrangement was casual.

3. Was this a one night stand? Again I don’t recall there being an agreement that this was an arranged agreement!!!!

4. Are we dating or are we “friends”…with benefits? AGAIN, I don’t remember being an agreement between us!!!!

I mean not that this is recent because it’s been about 10 or so years but I can’t imagine much as changed. Then again I’m completely clueless anyway. I wish next time we have an un-notarized agreement about terms and conditions so I know exactly what’s going on. But people never would take the time to look over a dating resume or read a long ass agreement page with a photo attachment and proof of no STDs! Am I asking for too much or is this valid. I’m half-way serious and joking. Mostly about resume, photo attachment and doctors note…It’s hard being a responsible adult these days when people can’t use thier words or understand that some people need blunt honesty. Next time I’ll have to make things clear and hope they understand before shit gets complicated.

I’m going to write up a dating resume just for shits and giggles. Mostly for shits because it’s really bullshit. LMAO Lookout for it in the tag: #dating resume

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